If you are like me, giving up is something on my mind more often than I like. Depression has been a constant and I regret to say that I have allowed life to get in the way of my progress with CHOP. There were many reasons and my health just would not cooperate but I realized that with my heart cath coming up on Friday, I would just need to start all over again because I can’t exercise for a week after. I am worried about the heart cath, wondering what it will show. Part of me feels my symptoms are only because of POTS but another part of me hopes that there is something that can be done about some of my health issues. I had an episode in Walmart. I was there for my first fun outing in months (most outings have been medical). Standing and looking at school supplies (I love this time of year) I started having chest pains, so I took a nitro. But I did not sit down…until I had to…in the middle of the floor with a crowd gathering around. Before I went down I assured my wife I was fine and made her go through check out and get my school supplies. Crazy as I am, I soon went down and as she checked out unaware of my predicament, I sat in the floor and tried not to pass out. I refused 911 and opted for a motorized cart instead. I made it safely home and slept for hours. That was Friday. I’m okay now. I am grateful to be here. I am grateful for the physical ability I do have rather than the physical ability I no longer possess. I can walk, see, have use of my arms. Maybe if I focus on my good fortune I can let go of the waves of depression that like to hit me more often than I would like. I am blessed!