Last night I had a crisis of self-esteem. I talked to my wife about my doubts about running a business, getting back my health, ever getting back to a decent place in my head. Even spiritually I felt dry yesterday. Over the last few weeks I have suffered extreme depression and each day is a new challenge to conquer. I had exhaustion too. I tricked myself Monday. I told myself if I accomplished something I could lay down, when I accomplished that I set another goal. I did that until most of my list was completed. I started having chest pains eventually and had to stop but then worked from my bed. I think it’s low iron. We will see what the blood tests say.

So my newest challenge is to accept where I am completely, wholly without trying to fool myself. I’ve done some soul searching and realize that I am starting at zero. My speed is not starting with weighted exercises, no matter how light. I need to start with Tai Chi. Anyone who knows me will tell you that Tai Chi is certainly something that would drive me crazy. But if it gets me where I need to go I’m signing up. I am even holding off on swimming until I talk to my cardiologist because of damn chest pains but I will figure this out, conquer that roadblock and move forward. I sat down and set long term and short term goals for my physical and mental health. I’m determined to reach them. One day I will run a marathon! For today I have a walk on the treadmill scheduled and I will sign up for Tai Chi classes. I hate that is where I am physically but I’m making the call to set up the classes because I am not my illness!